How much do i love them? OH SO MUCH!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
Brian: "I dont need an excuse to fuck"
How can i not love him?
Brian: "No, but I'll kick your tight little virgin ass so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week."
Gods, they are SO HOT together!!!
I love this. I love them. God.... I think i could have an orgasm just thinking about them... ok, well, not an orgasm.... but... damn... They are just so hot. Especially together. I love them together. Hated Ethan. Hated him with a flaming passion. The homewrecker. god they're hot.... I love them so much... i so wish they were real and bisexual. I would so have a threesome with them. Hell, i'd probably do anything for them.
Oh gods, look at me. I'm really starting to obsess, aren't I?
I need help... a lot of help....
But its so much fun to obsess...
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
"You realize that you'll be required to work long, hard hours... sometimes deep into the night?"
"It'll be a pleasure working under you. Sir."
Sorry. I just loved that ep sooooooo much...
Anyway.. yah... so....
Damn these thoughts that keep racing through my head. Actually, that ep didn't help much either. It made me happy, but... DAMN! It was hot!! Cuz DAMN!! They're HOT!!!
mmmmmmmmmm....Excuse me while i drown in the fantabulousness of their hotness for a few moments.
..................................................................
Ok, I'm ok.
All the people drinking lovers' spit
that was a line from the song that QAF was playing when the most Scrumtralescent scene was on....
{Note to self: Must find song...}
anyhoo...
I want to PLAY GODDAMMIT!!!
now i'm sad....
Sunday, May 25, 2003
Wolverine:
You are Logan, also known by the codename of
Wolverine your past is unknown even to yourself
and this can often lead people to try and play
off you using that as some kind of advantage.
You posses a healing factor which heals wounds
with great speed and you also have heightened
senses. You posses an adamantium laced skeleton
with retractable claws in your forearms that
can be released at will, your only downfall is
that you get mad easily...very mad.
Which X-Men 2 Movie Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Ok, so I only wanted the picture. So sue me.
But don't....
Is it wrong to want what I'm wanting? I mean, listening to these songs... it just makes me want...
Love without guilt, love without doubt
I dunno what i want... i just know i want something.
But... damn... these two songs, i can't stop listening to them...
Do i deserve what i'm asking?? Should i get what i want? Do i really want it??
Geez, so confused....
I think i smell like owl... no matter how hot the water was, no matter how hard i scrubbed, the smell hasn't come off... or maybe its just me....
Grr...
I LOVE my new friends at OWL!!
Chris is a bit mean (but not really), but he's ok. I think i consider him a friend now, since i was hitting him. He can be nice.
I consider Brian my friend, he's a nice guy. He suggested a cool course i might take in the future. Plus, he's fun.
Jeremy is soooooooooooooo nice!! And smart!!! (You're right Vix, he is quiet) He's a pretty cool guy. And he's sooooo Tall!!! {I hope his finger will be ok...}
Jim is the newbie, and he seems like an ok guy. Didn't get to talk to him very much. He's kinda quiet, but not as quiet as Jeremy.
Rob has to be one of THE FUNNEST Guys alive! He's so great. He got me and Vix a copter ride! It was soooooo much fun!!!
But yah, those are my new friends at OWL. I love that place.
{Vikki, i so did not get smashed. And Rob knows it. =P}
What else??
Um.....
She's the Hunter, You're the Fox
I hate thoughts. At times, they plague my mind... I hate it...
Friday, May 23, 2003
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^_____________________^
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hmm.... lets see...
My life has taken a total 180 or something. Before, i was not even thinking or whatever.. and now.. Well, since Uncle Roy died, its been kinda weird. I feel really bad that I'm not more sad that he's dead. I mean, i feel worse that he was dead for a long period of time before anyone found him than the fact that he's actually dead.
And then there's that other stuff, that i like to avoid. Its like i wanna talk about it, but i don't, cuz if i talk about it, then i'm admitting that its there, which i don't really want...
Its confusing.
I never thought that part of my life could be like tv... Its not that great. But its only a part of my life. i haven't turned into a teen series or soap opera yet {thank god}
yah... OWL on sunday with vix... I like Scooter, the bird, not... the other one. though i do like the other one, he just wasn't who i was talking about.
Grrrr....
No, see? not thinking is good... sometimes... unless not thinking includes getting stupid visions...
grrr...
now i will tell you what i've done for you
50 thousand tears i've cried
screaming deceiving and bleeding for you
and you still won't hear me
don't want your hand this time i'll save myself
maybe i'll wake up for once
not tormented daily defeated by you
just when i thought i'd reached the bottom
i'm dying again
i'm going under
drowning in you
i'm falling forever
i've got to break through
i'm going under
blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
so i don't know what's real and what's not
always confusing the thoughts in my head
so i can't trust myself anymore
i'm dying again
i'm going under
drowning in you
i'm falling forever
i've got to break through
so go on and scream
scream at me i'm so far away
i won't be broken again
i've got to breathe i can't keep going under
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
My sis got the Cd... i is gonna burn it...
Thursday, May 22, 2003
Ok, I'm not sure if these are the exact lyrics, but they're close enough...
Ten . . . kiss me on the lips
Nine . . . run your fingers through my hair
Eight . . . touch me . . . slowly
Hold it! Let's go straight . . . to number one
Six . . . lips
Five . . . fingers
Four . . . play
. . . to number one
Let's go straight . . . to number one
One (repeating)
Touch me . . .
Let's go straight . . .
One (repeating)
. . . to number one
Lips
Fingers
Feel it?
One (repeating)
Ten
Nine
Eight
Seven
Six
Five
Four
Three
Touch and go . . .
. . . to number one
[Love without guilt, love without doubt]
[Love without guilt, love without doubt]
[Love without guilt, love without doubt]
[Rejection, love without doubt]
(repeat)
(spoken twice in background during first and second verses:)
[Don't go near the fire, don't go in the dark]
[Don't give in to your desire, 'cause he's gonna break your heart]
[Let go, let go]
I don't, don't care if it's not right
To have your arms around me
I want to feel what it's like
Take all of you inside of me
Chorus:
In your eyes [in your eyes], forbidden love
In your smile [in your smile], forbidden love
In your kiss [in your kiss], forbidden love
If I had one wish love would feel like this [love would feel like this]
I know that you're no good for me
That's why I feel I must confess
What's wrong is why it feels so right
I want to feel your sweet caress
(chorus)
If I only had one wish
Love would always feel like this
Wishin' on the stars above
Forbidden love
If I only had one dream
This would be more than it seems
Forbidden love [forbidden love]
[Love without guilt, love without doubt]
[Love without guilt, love without doubt]
Rejection [Love without doubt]
Is the greatest aphrodisiac
(chorus, repeat)
[Love without guilt, love without doubt]
Love should always feel like this
Heaven forgive me, never forbid me
(repeat and fade)
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
Its strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I´d meet somebody like you
I never dreamed that I´d lose somebody like you
Chorus:
I don't wanna fall in love no (This world is only gonna break your heart)
I don't wanna fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
with you...with you (This world is only gonna break your heart)
What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you
Chorus:
I don't wanna fall in love no (This world is only gonna break your heart)
I don't wanna fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
with you
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
Its strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I´d love somebody like you
I never dreamed that I´d lose somebody like you
Chorus:
No I don't wanna fall in love
No I don't wanna fall in love
With you...with you
Nobody else loves no one
I love that song. I love another song I'm going to post. Actually, I'm going to post all the songs I love right now.. ok, well, maybe not all of them, but the one's i feel like posting.
This is the place where I sit
This is the part where
I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets?
'Cause I'm getting tired
Of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me
I'm empty and taken and
Tumbling and breakin'
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
I dream of worlds
Where you'd understand
And I dream a
Million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends,
Nothing but good friends?
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
This is the place in my heart
This is the place where
I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance
That I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
One usually has a feeling of sadness when a family member dies, right?
Ok, well, since I didn't know Uncle Roy that well, I guess it's ok for me to be feeling oddly detached, right? I mean, my mom knew him way better than I did, and even she feels oddly detached.
But I feel so bad, ya know? Not feeling worse.
The thing that really gets me is that he was dead for a month before anyone even found him. A Fucking Month!!
I mean, really, how fucked up is that? They found him 5 days ago... We just heard about it few minutes ago...
Mom said he was the Black Sheep {I finally know what that means now...} of the family, but I feel like I should be sadder.
I mean, he's dead. He was a member of my family, and now he's dead. It doesn't seem right.
And what really sucks is that he was like, 50 years old or something. They're {Whoever they are...} saying that it was natural causes. They don't know for sure. They're doing an autopsy on him, and a tox scan and stuff... I've never known anyone who's had to have an autopsy before... I've only ever seen it on tv... like CSI..
Acutally, I think I know who They are. The Edmonton Police or something. That's where he lived. Edmonton. I guess that's where he died too...
I think Aunty Gochi's planning on having a memorial thingy in the middle of June for him... we have to wait to get the body back....
A fucking month. I still can't get over that. He had been dead for a month before anyone found him.
It's just wrong.
I feel like i should be crying, but I'm not. I'm not that sad. I mean, yeah, he's dead Long Dead, apparently, since they only found him 5 fucking days ago but he was family. I should be weeping or something, shouldn't I?
This just goes to show how heartless I really am... I can't even cry when a family member of mine is dead....
Its laughable how pathetic my life is. A month ago, I had no worries, or close to no worries. 5 days ago, the only problems I had were guy problems.
God, how pathetic and heartless I am. I really am the meaning of "Ice Queen"...
This is so fucked up... I don't.. I can't even write about it or something.
I only met him a couple of times... Uncle Roy... I met him for the first time at my Aunty Amy's funeral in '95. I tried to count how many beers he had. I think i lost count after 8... He showed up at Papa's funeral... I don't remember that. I cried at Papa's funeral. Now that I think of it, I think I remember seeing him there or something...
So... Uncle Roy is dead... I don't think I'll be feeling tomorrow....
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
What the hell was wrong with me today????
I don't think i have ever been like that at school before, where i couldn't control my thoughts like that... {Vikki, you weren't helping much either >.<}
I mean, seriously, I just couldn't control the flashes i had. I have never been like that at school. I know I haven't. Hell, I haven't even been like that at home . At least, not to that degree. They just kept... flashing in my head. And sometimes they were so vivid...
It was kinda scary.
Am I losing my mind?
And i don't mean in a "crazy" sort of way. I mean... well... ok, i don't know what i mean, but still....
Whoa
Ya know?
Probably not. I'm not sure if this has happened to any of you before. At least, not to this degree of... uncontrollableness.
I hope I'm not like this tomorrow....
I'd hate to think of how i might act... Today was hard enough. I don't think I've ever been so happy to have a spare block before...
God... all my thoughts are jumbled.. i just don't know what to think... about anything..
I NEED ADVICE DAMMIT!! AND NOW!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
... help ...
I think that this is a semi-good song for me. At least, I think it sorta describes me in a way...
Miss Independent
Miss Self-sufficient
Miss Keep-your-distance, nnnn
Miss Unafraid
Miss Out-of-my-way
Miss, Don't-let-a-man,-interfere, Nooooo……
Miss On-her-own
Miss Almost-grown
Miss Never,-let-a-man,-help-her-off-her-throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little Miss Apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in Love
[CHORUS]
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise...It's time
To feel….what's Real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need for me to miss him
Goodbye …. on you
Real Love …. is true.
Misguided Heart
Miss Play-It-Smart
Miss If-you-wanna-use-that-line-you-better not - start, Noooo...
But she miscalculated
She didn't want to end up jaded
And Miss Miss-decided-not-to-miss-out-of-true-love
So, by changing a misconception
She went in a new direction
And found inside she felt a connection
She fellllll in Love
[CHORUS]
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise …. it's time
To feel .…what's Real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need for me to miss him
Goodbye …. on you
Real Love …. is truuuuuuue.
Why Miss Independent walked away?
No talk for Love that came her way
She looked in the mirror, and thought today
what happened to Miss No-longer-afraid
What took some time for Love to see
how beautiful Love could truly be
no more talk of what can that "be" mean
I'm so glad I finally feeel....
[CHORUS]
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise .... it's time
To feel …. what's Real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need for me to miss him
Goodbye …. on you
Real Love …. is truuuuuuue
I bolded the lines that i think describe me the best...
If i could, i would ask you what you think... but i don't have a comments thing.
Monday, May 19, 2003
You know what i hate sometimes?
Feelings.
I mean, sometimes they just get in the way of life.
There are just some feelings i wish i didn't have. Like the ones i'm not able to control.
Lust is ok sometimes. I can deal with lust. It doesn't get in my way. Actually, its what makes me, me sometimes.
Its that other one that i can't stand. Lust involves actions and reactions. the other doesn't. the other one is all about feelings.
love
I've never been in love. But, then again, i'm only 18.
sometimes i think that i'm not able to love.
sometimes that's a good thing. sometimes its not.
I'm a hopeless romantic, ok? I'm looking for that perfect somebody who can sweep me off my feet and make me want to love.
isn't that sad?
I mean, come on... that's just so pathetic. I mean, yah, everyone wants that, but I'm waiting for it.
I don't want feelings. i don't like them. they make me feel, and sometimes i don't want to feel...
i'm drowning in a pool of hopeless dreams, and there is no one to save me...
If you wanna leave
I won't beg you to say
And if you gotta go darling
Maybe it's better that way
I'm gonna be strong
I'm gonna do fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just walk out the door
See if I care
Go on and go, but
Don't turn around
'Cause you're gonna see my heart breaking
Don't turn around
I don't want you seeing me cry
Just walk away
It's tearing me apart that you're leaving
I'm letting you go
But I won't let you go
I won't miss your arms around me
Holding me tight
And if you ever think about me
Just know that I'll be alright
I'm gonna be strong
I'm gonna do fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
I will survive
I'll make it through
I'll even learn to live without you
Don't turn around...
I wish I could scream out loud
That I love you
I wish I could say to you
Don't go
As he walks away
He feels the pain growing strong
People in your life
They don't know what's going on
Too proud to turn around
He's gone
Don't turn around...
Sunday, May 18, 2003
Sunday, May 18, 2003
Dear Aries, this is an ideal moment to address once and for all the questions that have been on your mind for the last few weeks. Pay particular attention to questions that touch on your sentimental life. If you are currently involved in unsatisfactory relationships, don't be afraid to leave them behind. And if you're fretting about a request you made that has yet to be answered, let it go. No response is forthcoming.
huh....
thats... different....
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Thursday, May 15, 2003
An exciting new project or opportunity might be presented to you today. It could involve a new love - or at least a new friend. Something which you've been working on for a long time could finally come to fruition - and excite your enthusiasm for moving on to the next project! dear Aries, go to it!
Eh?
Besides the stupid poetry project, there is nothing else. No new love or new friend.
{Yes, i will believe something, but only if I don't know that i'm supposed to believe it. I think. Or something like that. I won't believe it if you want me too, or if I know what's on your mind when you tell me.}
I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THE CSI SEASON FINALE!!!! HOW COULD I??!!!!!???????????!?!?!?!?!?
I'm a horrible person...
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
To those of you who I was not talking to.... hi.
I'm not sure if the two i non-mentioned know who they are, but they should. Karen, Vikki, you suck.
Watching Dogma at Kookie's right now. I don't think she even knows what I'm writing about. It makes me want to laugh. But I'll settle for smiling.
I want to eat. I'm still hungry. Or at least i was. Not so sure anymore.
bleh.
You and you should just stop it now. Its annoying. very annoying.
Its never going to happen, so just get over it. I'm tired of it.
Leave me alone. Just stop already.
Friday, May 09, 2003
"So you coming or going? Or coming and then going ... or coming and staying?"
~ Brian Kinney, Queer As Folk
.....
OMFG!! He has GOT to be one of THE HOTTEST MEN in the WORLD!!
*Drooooooollllllllssssssss*
I think I'll need a nice, long, cold shower......
You're Quicksilver!
Which member of the 'X-Men Evolution' Brotherhood are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
sigh Pietro.....
*green* ~Yam~ the heart chakra, ANAHTA, is located
in the centre of the chest and harbors our
emotional centre that promotes love,
compassion, understanding, sharing and
forgiveness. The heart chakra is the most
central chakra and of the highest importance.
It gives us love, the most powerful healer of
all, and loving ourselves is the foundation of
good health and happiness.
*what colour are you?*
brought to you by Quizilla
My namesake... but is it true?? hmmmmmmmm......
Your girlfriend has Blonde hair!
What Colour Hair would YOUR anime girlfriend have?
brought to you by Quizilla
cooooooooool!!
Yellows are the most fun-loving, free-spirited,
energetic, and childlike personalities in the
aura spectrum. Yellows are wonderful,
sensitive, optimistic beings, whose life
purpose is to bring joy to people, to have fun,
and to help heal the planet.
What Is Your True Aura Colour?
brought to you by Quizilla
Dunno if that's true or not...
Justin's called Sunshine...
Justin- Americas sweet heart, you are adorable,
talented, head over heals for brian, and
trumatised, but ended up ok, the cutie of the
bunch
What queer as Folk character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Brian- You are an ass hole at times and a slut, but
you are truly fragile and afraind of commitment
(my personal fave)
What queer as Folk character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Queer as Folk character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Queer as Folk character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Justin. You're young, good looking and an
artist - every straight girl's dream and you're
gay as Christmas. You're still in your teens
and you've been dating 32 year old Brian since
the show began. The world breathed a collective
sigh of relief when you finally met Ethan.
Which Queer as Folk Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Brian, you asshole. But you do have a heart:
you saved Mel and Linz's wedding, not to
mention Justin's life. You're aslo a successful
ad executive, a bit of a nimphomaniac, and best
friend of Mike. Go you, conscienceless prick.
Which Queer as Folk Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Justin Taylor.
This young blonde is Pittsburgh's hottest new
heartbreaker. He's also a fine young artist.
Although Justin can be a bit of a brat at
times, he's also quite brave and also wise
beyond his years when it comes to reading
people's hearts.
What Queer as Folk character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Brian Kinney.
Whether in the boardroom, the bedroom or the
backroom, this hot, heartbreaking ad exec tells
it like it is ... no apologies, no regrets.
Although his three favorite hobbies are sex,
sex and sex, he is also a man who is always
there when his friends need him ... although he
isn't always going to be nice about it.
What Queer as Folk character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Justin Taylor
Which Queer as Folk character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Brian Kinney
Which Queer as Folk character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Justin.
Which Queer As Folk Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Justin is so cute sometimes
You are Brian.
Which Queer As Folk Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......... Brian......
Friday, May 09, 2003
You are in a terrific position right now to make a significant move in your life, dear Aries. With a great deal of physical energy coupled with incredibly high self-esteem, you have what it takes to make a major push toward the larger goals you are striving for. There is opportunity coming at you from all angles, and the energy at hand is fast and furious. Your strong, courageous nature is ripe for hopping aboard the open boxcar when the train comes zooming by.
Thursday, May 08, 2003
Do you have the courage to ask questions? I mean questions that matter. Questions that could either make or brake your world.
Do you have that kind of courage?
If you don't, will you ever?
If you do, could tell me how to do it...
Wufei
Which Gundam Pilot Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Quatre
Which Gundam Pilot Are You?
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Duo
Which Gundam Pilot Are You?
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Heero
Which Gundam Pilot Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm gonna get them all!!
Trowa
Which Gundam Pilot Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I just wanted his pic...
PASS ME THE STRAIGHT JACKET
!!!!!!!!!Do U need a straight jacket?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
brought to you by Quizilla
MWA AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!
WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are Pyrokinetic!
What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla
Huh. Go Figure.
I have come to a conclusion. I was wrong. I thought that I felt something, but I was wrong. It could never be.
I apologise to you, because I made you believe in something that was not real. I almost even fooled myself. But I am sorry. I got your hopes up for no reason.
I know that you will be disappointed, and you may not even believe me, but its the truth. I was wrong and I'm sorry.
But at least you were happy for a little while, thinking what you thought was true. I fed your delusions, and I shouldn't have. But at that moment, I thought I felt something. I was wrong. I misinterpreted them. They were just thoughts that I had, nothing more.
Now that I am thinking more clearly, I now see that what I thought I felt was not what I thought it was.
I'm sorry.
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
She woke to the smell of apple blossoms in the sun. How she missed the sun. The warm beams on her face. Being with him.
Ah yes. Him.
She rose out of her coffin to silence. The boys were out, eating dinner no doubt, and her Childe had yet to wake. She decided to take this time to think.
Why was he so confusing? Why did he have to mess with her emotions like that? Was he teasing her again, making her promises only to break them? He already had broken her heart before. If he did it again, she would never be able to forgive him.
Then there was another complication.
"Ronin..." She whispered, even though no one was around to hear her anyway.
What to do about Ronin? Sweet, mortal Ronin. She cared for him, yes, but she wasn't sure if she loved him the way she did Malavar.
Did she love Malavar? She had respected them when they were alive, yes. But love?
Could a vampire love? Was she herself even capable of it?
She loved Rachel, yes, but Rachel was her daughter. And she cared for Teddy and Kate most definately. But could she ever love like mortals?
A sadness covered her eyes when she thought that.
"How can I, when I myself am no longer a mortal?"
She shook her head to try and clear her thoughts. No, she would not think of this anymore. Not now. She wanted to change her clothes. She went to the closet and looked for something to wear. As she was glancing through her clothes, she stopped on one outfit. A dress. It wasn't a gown, no, far from it. It was a simple dress, one that she wore back when she was alive. Or at least, one just like it. It was purple, with red ribbons down the front to lace it up and white lace framing the trim. It was nicer than a peasant's dress, but still quite common. She had loved it so much. She remembered that he had liked it too. Not that he had said anything outright, no, but she could tell all the same.
It was the same dress she wore one time when they were once again forced to take a walk together. They wandered out into the gardens that bright spring day, along the path that led to the orchard. The apple blossoms were just blooming.
She smiled to herself and changed quickly. The dress brought back the memory of the dream, and all that it held. She didn't have anymore time to dwell on it for her Childe was waking. And there were things to be done. She pushed her feelings aside and waited for her Childe to rise.
Thinking thoughts is sometimes bad.
Especially when YOU think stuff.
And especially when its wrong.
I say ONE thing and You take it way out of control. I made One comment. It wasn't anything serious.
And you know who you are. Damn you.
And to everyone else who is reading this besides the one that i'm talking about.... uh... hi?
I don't know how to do the commenty thing. Hell, i don't even know if my template will allow it. Meh. Maybe I'll find other templates later. too lazy right now.
Sunday, May 04, 2003
Your fingertips...your fingertips
Sometimes I feel it burning
That deep and primal yearning
I feel it burn, burn, burning
I try live without it
But then I think about
Those fingertips, those fingertips, those fingertips
Chorus:
Anyone will do, anyone will do
Could be you
It's in the way they move and
They catch that simple groove and
They tell a story all their own about the human
heart alone
I try to get a grip but I find I always slip on fingertips
Those fingertips, those fingertips
Chorus
Chorus
Sometimes I get so lonely
The time it passes slowly, so so so slowly
I know I'm just a fool
'Cause they're writing all the rules
Those fingertips, those fingertips, those fingertips
Chorus
Whoever, whoever you are
I got my light on
Whenever, whenever you can
I'll be there I swear
I swear...
Let it be me
Let me be your love
*sigh*
Lost in the sea of hope, I drown...
Electricity, eye to eye
Hey don't I know you
I can't speak
Stripped my senses
On the spot
I've never been defenseless
I can't even make sense of this
You speak and I don't hear a word
[Chorus:]
What would happen if we kissed
Would your tongue slip past my lips
Would you run away, would you stay
Or would I melt into you
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust
Spontaneously combust
The room is spinning out of control
Act like you didn't notice
Brushed my hand
Forbidden fruit
Ring on my finger
You're such a moral, moral man
You throw it away, no question
Will I pretend I'm innocent
[Chorus]
I struggle with myself again
Quickly the walls are crumbling
Don't know if I can turn away
[Chorus]
What happened today?
Owl...
Long bath... a nap...
Ah. Steveston is probably where the patience could have taken part. I was hungry, and my mom was being her usual self. Annoying. But in her own Loveable Patricia way.
Example? Oh, how about going into Bakery stores, the Diplomat for one, and asking, "How much grams of fibre are in this bread?"
Its cuz of the diet, you see. The more grams of fibre in bread, the less points it will be. But it's so embarrassing and horrible when she does that, gets all annoying like that. I hope to never be like that. ever.
Tainted Love
Soft Cell
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
(chorus)
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh...tainted love
Tainted love
Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want IT any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you'LL think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way
(chorus...)
Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)
Tainted love (x3)
When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm
After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Oh, ohh
Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh
After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
I like this song and i don't care what anyone says. I can like it if i want. It reminds me of something, i just don't know what...
Sunday, May 04, 2003
Are you getting hit on the head by obstacles, dear Aries? Could it be that you simply need to allot yourself more time to complete the Herculean tasks you take on? This may be difficult for you to tolerate. You don't know how to deal with times such as these, when you must continue doing the same thing over and over again until you get results. There is a lesson here for you, dear Aries. Remember: Patience is a virtue.
HAH!!
Like i have any patience at all.
Friday, May 02, 2003
its not about the rules. There shouldn't really be rules. And anyways, rules are meant to be broken right?
So what, one friend does one thing wrong, and its breaking a rule? and therefore you must never be friends with them again? Even after all you've been through together?
I don't get it. I mean, yah, you can get pissy at your friends, there's no law against it. Hell, its natural. But you can't really hold a grudge over something that was an accident, or they didn't mean to do, or something they had to do, or just something that happened.
No, moderation is the key.
If you make rules for your friends, then, lets face it, you're not a very good friend yourself. Putting up rules that people have to abide to be your friend? Isn't that a little... oh i dunno... selfish? or Jerk-like?
It's not fair is what it is, and no one should have to listen to rules that are so unreasonable. Otherwise it can and will be contested and most likely cancelled. (W00t, go law!)
Anyhoo, i was just thinking of these things just now, because a few minutes ago i was all X2 thought orientated. But now i'm not.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what i say or think, because i'll probably change my mind later, or not even remember i'm saying or thinking these things. Don't take anything i say/write into consideration, unless you think its worth something, then... ok, whatever. Go you and me.
Hmmm... maybe we should think about dinner...
Friday, May 02, 2003
Memories and emotions welling up from the past might excite your creative impulses today, dear Aries. You might not quite be able to understand what all of this means, but the pictures should keep coming to you nonetheless. It might be a good idea to make some notes, even though you might not totally comprehend what you're writing. This may be more a process of releasing ancient traumas than creating great masterpieces, but even so, it's worth pursuing.
Um.... NO.
I'm not the creative one. Ok, so me and Kar went to go see X2 today (and it totally KICKS MAJOR ASS!!! by the way... gonna buy it when i can!!) and that got us all back in the X-Men spirit!! But she's the one creating the great masterpieces that are worth pursuing. I mean, she is the artist.
God, X2 was sooooooooo great!! I love him soooooooo much. Colossus was hot too. I think. Didn't really get a good look at his face, but his body was nice.
Ok, so now she's all pouty cuz she can't get her drawing right. I still think it looks good, but what do i know? i'm not an artist.
Bygones...
Anyway.... ... Yah so...
i think i'm done talking now. I'll stop.
Later.
Thursday, May 01, 2003
Thursday, May 01, 2003
Today your relationships with just about everyone - friends, relatives, colleagues, romantic partners - should be going very well, dear Aries. Your level of communication is very high, and your ability to see the other person's point of view is clearer than it usually is. This might be a bit disconcerting, as it could conflict with your own viewpoint, but bear in mind you don't have to agree with someone to learn from them. Enjoy your day.
LIAR!!!!!
Today wasn't about communication! not really...
what do you think?
